When I was asked to contribute to wiqaable, I originally said "No, I don't think so, I'd just complain a lot about my crushes and it'd be vaguely embarrassing to be 'that guy.' (you know, the one that doesn't actually have anything intellectually challenging to contribute, the one whose daily waaambulance phonecalls you either patiently put up with or have already screened)"
But, then I was told that that'd be an excellent thing for me to do for wiqaable, because wiqaable would be less fascinating if all its writers were supergushy activists.
So, I came into this feeling that everything was going to be lovely since I could just blab about whatever I wanted, as I lived the queer and Asian life and everything I said would be a diamond-encrusted locally grown nobel-prize-winning pearl of knowledge and that it was totally your fault if you didn't get what I was talking about, Philistine.
But, a few weeks ago, I realized that didn't really make any sense, because, honestly, I've chosen to contribute absolutely nothing in the way of turning the "queer and Asian" identity into something noteworthy and fantastic (if I have, it was completely unintentional, and I'd be most displeased if it caught on since I'm under the impression that I'm a Special Snowflake).
To wiqaable's readers,
Why in the world do you care about queer and Asian happenings?
A few years ago, I was talking to one of my friends from high school about joining a club at UC Berkeley called "Cal Queer and Asian" and she asked me, "Well, what would you do there? Be gay at each other?" and I told her that was exactly what we would do. She then commented that she thought it was silly to create a club based on sexuality since it wasn't exactly a hobby we could all sit around in a circle and do, but I was too busy thinking about pretty gay Asian boys to notice. She also reminded me of how I thought my high school's "Asia Club" was full of hooey. I ignored her.
A few years later, once I'd finished staring at all the pretty people, I suddenly realized that I didn't really understand what exactly the club was doing. Yes, it's a safe space into which people may come and discuss being queer and Asian, yes it's a place to make friends and have fun, and yes, it's a fine place to be. What I didn't really understand was why it'd want to be more than that.
Wiqaa? To me, it is, largely, An Inconvenience.
I think, when we're young, being *orientation* and *race* is totally a big deal. Procreation is the first urge that we understand as we grow into, and, in a way, we control and modify our lives around it, stemming from the fact that physical pleasure is totally compelling.
But, in and of itself, being queer impacts only one facet of my life: the things (er, people) I want to have sex with.
How is this possibly a big deal? I understand that there are some people who spend their entire lives looking for constant lays. But, those people are, most likely, assholes. The only possible time I'm really ever conscious of being queer and Asian is when I'm left alone for too long and my love instincts kick in. When I go on summer or winter vacation, I have no queer contact other than facebook, and eventually I start dumping all my affections on to various moviestars, pornstars or video game characters and I vaguely pine for some lovely gayboy. Then, as if by magic, once school starts again, I see a few, and within 5 minutes I am completely disenchanted and annoyed and absolutely not in love with anything. I know I'm going to piss people off when I say this, but being queer and Asian is just that, liking dick and/or pussy, and liking the people that like your dick and/or pussy while having certain phenotypes. It's that simple, and that minute.
I asked a few of the people if they could ignore their queer sides. I said "Yes, unless I'm horny." (in which case, I simply go through the same romantic angst any hormonal teenager suffers from, except at a boy). They said no, they couldn't, because it was such an integral part of their identity. (My goodness, people, were you not human beings before puberty?) Undoubtedly, there are many matters in adult life, and inevitably many adult pastimes lead back to sex or its acquisition, but what I see, mostly, is the fact that some people impress upon themselves the importance of liking same-sex dick/pussy.
Which to me, is totally wtf.
2 comments for this post
Robert, I appreciate your honesty in this blog.
Being Queer and Asian for me, though, is not just about romance and sex and "liking dick." To relegate the experiences of being queer to just dating and fucking is a gross oversimplification of what it feels like to live life as a queer person, much less a queer person of color. You overlook the fact that queer people and people of color are fundamentally unequal in the world we live in. The queer experience and the Asian experience are both wrought with discrimination and oppression. Why is the Queer and Asian identity salient? Because the intersection of the two yields an ENTIRELY separate and different experience that heralds discrimination from two fronts - and that experience is not one that is limited to just romance and fucking.
Perhaps you haven't experienced the pain associated with not only looking different, but also "liking same-sex dick and pussy" (in which case, you are so, so lucky), but at the very base level, it is this shared pain (and the shared separate experience that IS the Q&A experience) that creates the need for a space like Cal Queer and Asian.
Given the choice, I wish I could "ignore" the fact that I'm Queer and Asian, but I'm reminded of it every single day. Whether it's my decision to not join certain clubs because I don't want to be the only Asian there, or the sadness I feel when I see a heterosexual couple happily holding hands on the street and I know that I could NEVER do the same thing with my partner without possible negative repercussions - I'm reminded of my Q&A identity everywhere I go.
Being Queer and Asian is more than just liking dick/pussy. It affects more than just who or "what" you like, because being queer and Asian affects your entire life.
Taking efforts to make our identity important is not a frivolous attempt to make the Q&A identity "noteworthy" or especially "fantastic." It's just a way for us to feel empowered in dialogue and shared experiences. It's a way for us to feel empowered by an identity that many of us are confused about.
Thank you for the comment! Part of posting this was because I knew there were people out there that felt differently.
I feel like I couldn't say any of the things I said without knowing that I've been exceptionally lucky. On the microscopic level, all I can really talk about is myself, and I just wanted to share my current experiences as a 20-something in Berkeley: I do not feel discriminated against because of the shape of my face and that I have adequate outlets for my sexuality (which, I feel, is a minuscule part of my life); thus being queer and Asian has a marginalized importance to me, and I'm not sure it'd be honest to say I felt otherwise. Although, I must say I probably don't the breadth of experience others have. This wasn't an opportunity to poop on everyone else's opinions and I'm sorry if it came out that way. I think I understand that being queer and Asian can be difficult, and I wish the best to anyone that attempts to navigate their way through any identity (I also think that people put a great deal of value in what they are, rather than what they do, which I think is a mistake).
I think I also wanted to make the point that one is as happy/sad/angry/discriminated as one feels, and that one has a great deal of personal sovereignty in the matter. A good bit of optimism (not blindness) is required, I think, in order to grow up, and it's important to not necessarily look for and focus on the bad things that may or may not be there.