Wiqaable's been slightly quiet, recently, so I thought I'd share this ridiculously awful dream I had last night that happened WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, IN MY OWN HOME! (oh my god the horror! No, but seriously, if that clause followed any other event it'd totally be bad news.)

Anyway, my dream.

I dreamt that my mother woke me up to give me a birthday card with a teddy bear with balloons on the front, because she usually does this on my birthday around midnight, and she said "Happy Birthday!" and then went back to sleep (by the way, it is nowhere near my birthday). Then, I opened it up and discovered that it was one of those folded-over cards where there's one page where you write stuff and another with the message inside. On the side you write on was the message, "I know your little thing. Someone told me, but I can't tell you who, but I know." And scrawled sideways on the side of the page was "okay I'll tell you who." And then I opened up the card and there was this little orange sun on the inside saying "Your fluorescent orange gay has been in the closet too long. It's time to SHIIIIIIIIIIINE!" And I realized that if Hallmark ever made Coming Out or "Surprise!-we-know-you're-gay!" cards, they'd sort of look like this.

Then I rode a pony to her bed where she was sleeping and I woke her up. Don't ask me where the pony came from but it was actually really small and cute. Then she said "Oh, your sister told me and I got really worried and now you have to wear this chastity belt, because now that you're gay you have to be really really careful of all the rapists out there, okay?" And then I got really angry and said "What the fuck, a chastity belt?" because even under the best of circumstances, those are really not hot, ever. "Yes, you have to be really careful and I insist upon it." And she waved a chain something in my face and I started screaming at her about how I couldn't even choose which of my sweatpants to throw out, and that she controlled everything, and that I still had to do chores in the house even though I had no power. Then she went to the closet and said, "OH YEAH? WELL, YOU CAN PICK OUT YOUR OWN DAMN SWEATPANTS NOW!" and she started throwing sweatpants at me, and I actually recognized a lot of pairs of them from waking-life, and then I decided that this would be a good time to wake up, so I did.

That's all.

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In other news, I came out as not-a-female to an online-friend when he came to visit. This will be grand revelation to online friend #3 (the previous 2 took it pretty well and it was pretty inconsequential, they were women and they either expected this sort of thing or I made them cookies to soften the blow). He didn't get it for the duration of our IRL time, because he is obtuse, but I explained to him patiently over e-mail after he went a safe distance away. Our original exchange went something like this.

Me: Hi, I'm Robert, not Krista.
Him: This is Scar. She plays Warcraft with me.
Me: Err.

And I met his wife and she politely didn't use gendered pronouns and I made him walk to the farmer's market with me where we saw a rainbow and ate free samples and had Cheeseboard and beer. He has soft, meaty hands, does hugs (what the fuck), and asked me later (after I clarified that I wasn't one of those really androgynous Asian women, I'm one of those really androgynous Asian men [with a bad shave job, no less] that wears women's tops and sounds like a high-strung pre-pubescent 12-year-old girl) why I didn't think he was a hot daddy bear.